I am officially the “Unluckiest Man in the World who still manages to have a Home and a Job”

Sunday morning, as I was headed off to the Big City for one of my Meetups, I thought, “I wonder what kind of gas mileage I can get on the bike?” You don’t buy a motorcycle for the gas mileage. I generally get 40-45mpg on the bike which is pretty average, all things considered. But, seeing as (hypothetically, in case any law enforcement is reading this) I have been known to ride at speeds…..significantly over the speed limit, it’s not bad.

But I was curious as to what kind of mileage I could get if stuck to the speed limit for a whole trip. So, I drove the entire 90 minutes at the speed limit…and….

I got passed by *everybody*. Semis, minvans, old men in Buicks…

It was TORTURE. But I stuck with it.

Near the end of the trip, there’s a road I turn on (for those of you familiar, it’s turning right onto Boundary Road off of Southwest Marine Drive), go up a very steep hill and re-enter on to the highway. There is no traffic around me as I accelerate up the hill (everyone had already passed me 🙁 ).

As I get to within about 50 yards of the crest of the hill, I see some IDIOT standing in the middle of the two lane road….WTF!?

I get off the gas and start to gear down, making a plan for how to get around this crazy person. As I get closer, I notice, he’s wearing…..a bright yellow safety vest….WTF!?

Why the hell is this guy wearing a….OH FUCK! COP!

SON OF A BITCH…..

I pull over and the cop walks up to me. I motion that I can’t hear him and start taking off my helmet. Meanwhile, I’m literally laughing out loud at the unfairness of it all. I get the helmet off, still laughing, and the cop is looking at me (rightfully so) like I’m a crazy person.

The cop very importantly says, “Do you find this funny, sir?”

I tell him the story of my speed limit attempts over the past 90 minutes. He says, “Jesus. You’re the unluckiest guy in the world…” SO IT’S OFFICIAL.

“Luckily” for me, the cop gave me a break on the ticket so it will only cost me $138.00. It could have been *much* worse. But…still….

GODDAMNITALLTOHELL!

Diary of a Mad Man Podcast Episode #5!

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You can listen to Episode #5 here.

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